Up on my roof




When i look at this picture, it reminds me of my home, my birth country, my family and my kids. This picture was taken up on my roof at my house.


Philippines, my birth country, my home. This is the only place i can truly find peace. We do have houses down in the city cos thats wehere we originaly lived before we got a lot to build a house up in the hills.


The View i have from my roof is really breath taking, all i can see is small houses, peacefull and happy people with no worries at all, even if they dont have so much money they are still happy and greatfull to what they have, even if its just a small thing, they are still happy.

Its not like here in Sweden, people here are so selfish and always so fucking materialized, moste of the people dont think about others.. only thinking about them selfs. My firends always tells me that its good that i think diffrently then others, i always make sure that my kiddos can go to school and have something to eat and something to wear, I help my mom with a lot of things, specialy when she is sick.

When Momma retire from work i want her to move back home to Philippins, its where she belongs, with her siblings and grandchildern and her mom, this is where i have my roots, my kids reminds me daily of where i come from and never to forget my backround, appriciate all the things i have, all the things i worked for.

Philippines, my home, my life, my love, Thank you for reminding me where i come from.550368_10150991700550056_2140461521_n

What if?

Oki so the other day I had a dinner with my friend.. she gave me some ideas to what I’m gonna write in my blog.. well I been thinking about it.. and here it is.

I was born in Manila that’s in the Philippines in Asia. I’m one of 13 kids witch including 7 kids from my dad and 2 from mom plus 3 step siblings from my step dad. I’m 1 of 4 girls.

My mom got remarried in 1989 and I was 4 (I think I was 4) I have always been close to my family in my moms side, I’m the baby in the family (if you don’t count the new ones) and I’m also her only daughter.  I’m the middle child from her kids. I have two brothers one who’s a year older than me and a younger brother who is 7 years younger than me. My parents was married for 15 years before they split.

When I was 13 I started to experience weed and alcohol and other stuff. My relationship with my mom became really bad, I was always out pass my cerfue hanging with bad people. At 14 I moved out from my home to live with my friend. My relationship with my mom  was so bad that I started to brake windows and doors and anything that I could brake sometime I would just hit my fist through the wall.

When I was 16 I found out my biological father was alive. Me and my brother was told that he was dead since we where tiny, I got so upset and angry at my mom for lying to us about our dad. Same time I found out my mom was diagnosed with cancer in her intestine. She never told me about it, I figure it out by myself when I was doing the laundry. When I found out about it I couldn’t breathe or understand what happened, for the first time I feelt empty inside.. started to back out from my friends stayed at home and just lock myself inside. My family back home was very scared of what could have happened.. I was scared that I would become an orphan.. my brother was just a few months before he would turn 18, he would be the only one taking care of me and our baby brother would be with his dad, he was only 9 back then. I often think what if.. what if my mom wouldn’t be alive today? Where would I be? Who would I become?

Good morning

Well as usual  I got up, got fix and now I’m in the train waiting for it to leave the station. I’m on my way to work if you  didint notice.

It’s 05.57 and it’s fucking cold outside.. it’s actually snowing and I don’t understand why the heck am I up this erlie? But heey  I ask myself that every day and still I get my dumb ass up at 5.30 in the morning.

Last night I was talking to some people in a chat room.. they started to talk about Paris and 9/11 and the hole terrorist shit that been going on for a while since forever. Well I didn’t really wanna get into the conversation cos as I know I would get irritated.. anyways  one of the girls said she hated Muslims and all that it stood for cos of the bombings and killings of innocent people both in Paris and in NY. I couldn’t belive that this girl who says that she has nothing against Muslim’s and that people are free to belive to what any religion they want.

I look at my screen for a while and then I realized I had to open my mouth about it. So you people know my best friend who is like my sister to me is Muslim.. then I really mean she is really Muslim.. She covers her hair when she is out.. and yes she loves her religion more then anything else.

Back to this girl.. I told her that she is being a hypocritical bitch cos she said so.. I mean how can you say that you hate soneone and then say that you respect people and that we are free to belive in any religion we want and still  hate Muslims for what they stood for.

First of all Muslim stands for peace and no I don’t think you should put all Muslims in one pocket and say that  they are terrorist.. When it’s really a bunch of extremes who believes in the Muslim faith. Second of all in every freaking religion there will always be a bunch of extremes who is out for revenge of some sort. There will always be a bad seed if people in any religion so stop putting them in a box and say that all Muslims are bad!! Noo there are a lot of good people in every religion!!

I am Catholic and I am very gay, yes I am a lesbian you heard me!! My best friend is Muslim.. her entire family knows I’m gay and they still love me for me and what I belive. It’s really sad that people have to point fingers in one religion as soon as a bomb exploding in any country.

Anyways I don’t wanna continue this shit now cos I’m about to get off the train and start working.



I haven’t been able to blog to much lately? I have been busy trying to find a way to get back to school after summer, I need to fix a few points to get in to the management program u want to get in too.

Well finally I’m gonna start working
again, my vacation time is finally over and noo I’m not sad about it, I’m actually happy about it.. This is actually the only time I’m happy to get back to work. I truly love my job!

Well I have to try to get some sleep now.

Peace and good night!

No perfect family

I love when we skype with our family in the PH.. my mom always made sure that we keept intouch with eachother.

I love the fact that no matter where we live, how far or how long we havent seen eachother we are still a tight family. All tho we have some issues with one another we are still there when there comes a point that someone wants to hurt us.

I remember when i was a kid, i still lived in PH that our neighbur had a boy.. somewhat was a bit older then me.. he always bullied me.. you know.. always push me around so i would fall or get hurt.. well there was this day we where standing in the streets outside our house and he came behind me and push me so i hit the ground with my head first and he started laughing at me.. my brother and our cousins came out and surrounded him and yeah well you can guess what they did to him.. cos from that day he never once touch or came near me after that. I dont see my cousins as my cousins.. i see them as my siblings.. older brothers and sisters that is.. and i love them.

Life is good!!

In this world you got 3 diffrent familys that you got.

One that youre born in, one that you create with youre partner and the ones that you pick along the way in the path you have choosen.

Me, i have all that in my life, im blessed to have a family that loves me no matter what i do or who i love. My friends.. well.. i know a lot of people but there are just a few of them that i would ever trust or give my life to.

I have a friend.. she is my best friend and my sister.. i would give my life to save her. Of all the people that i know she has always been there for me. No matter what i say or do or even how mad i make her or even nasty fights after 30 min we be hugging and laughing about it.

It’s funny how life goes.. how you learn to love people along the way. We learn to love our partners and family. To love life to the fullest!


We went to Heron  City to catch up and just talk about life!! Love this kind of moments and memories we make.

G’nyt everyone!